The idea had come to him during one of his many pity parties. There, as he lay in bed with his pink-striped boxers, and t-shirt, was the Magic Bullet. The
glow of the the TV was like a ray of light shining down from heaven, truly. Clearly, it was a message from god in the form of the infomercial.
Allen, without a moment to waste, ordered the appliance that claimed to do wonders, albeit not on love lives, but surely nachos were just as good! He then snatched up his thesaurus to write the perfect letter to go along with his amazing gift, as his vocabulary skills weren't nearly as good as his ingenious ideas to sweep women off their feet.
I propose that someone else write the next part! Go, go, Rally! You must include references to "wishing I could quit you," pudding, and abortion clinics.